he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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