and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
