I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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