What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I love having hate sex.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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