Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Please don't give away my fajitas
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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