You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
