Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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