I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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