If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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