im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
