Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
