I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
