Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
