whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
