you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Come share oat with me in your robe
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