I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
