trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
