Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
