No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
We need to rekindle our bromance
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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