I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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