it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing