I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
farters have to be the big spoon...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals