i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
