My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
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