you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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