Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
