Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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