If i could tip my vagina, i would.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
