I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
