broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize