Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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