I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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