Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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