Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
