Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
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