Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I smell stomach acid.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
