YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
