so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
