Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
