Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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