Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
kristin has been a bad kristin
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
