took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
