I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
