I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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