I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
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And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
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Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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