You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
