I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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