dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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