It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
