when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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