I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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