she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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