Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
