If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize