Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
