No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
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Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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