the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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