I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
