Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
