i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
